The Size You Are

Recently I walked among the ginormous creatures that make up Sequoia National Forest.

Naturally, communing with large trees got me thinking about my Voice.

I made several observations.

1. There is a connection between gravitas and size. Undeniably.

2. All of the officially identified trees with plaques that I saw, are named after men or masculine concepts ("Patriarch" for example). Sigh.

3. The trees take up so much space, and there is still room for all of them.

4. Size can be intimidating, powerful, beautiful, and awe-inspiring at the same time.

5. The trees are not striving or shrinking - they are exactly the size they are, growing steadily, and the size they are happens to be quite large.

As women, we are conditioned to not take up space. Don't take up too much space in the chair, don't take up too much space in the conversation, and don't take up too much space in the relationship.

Just enough space is very hard to accomplish. And hard to define. So instead, we hedge our bets and go for less all around to avoid the label of being "too" anything.

Our culture requires us to make this trade-off all the time.

If your body is large, kindly work like hell to make it smaller. If your voice is big, we need you to bring it down several notches. If you've got big ideas for your life (or your workplace), you'd better keep them to yourself.

If you want nice things, you'd better scrimp and save (instead of making more money). If you want to be in a relationship, it's best to wait for someone to pursue you. If you want to change your life, you should get approval from everyone you know first.

To maintain the status quo, please contract yourself, tread water, and fade into the background.

What if we lived in a world that encouraged us to be less like objects to control and more like Sequoia trees?

Be the size that you are; there's no such thing as "too big."

Grow at your own pace.

There is plenty of space for all of us.

You can be powerful and beautiful at the same time.

Things would be so different.

I am leaning into this tree with my hand extended in an attempt to absorb these ideas.

With love and respect,

Malika

Sign up here to join this mailing list

Click here to learn more about The Center for Women's Voice.